Breaking Bad: Open House

Cameras in the lab

Marie continues to sink

Clean cars, clean money

This week's Breaking Bad begins with Walt coming to the lab and discovering some new security cameras. Here's what Walt thinks about that:

Skyler shows up at Walt's place to talk about buying the car wash. Walt refuses to answer. "I've left you like 23 messages!" she yells.  "And?"  he responds. Perfect.

Not this kind of complicated.

She notices his black eye from last week's beat down at the bar from Mike. She mentions danger - he says he never used that word. It's just complicated.

He comes up with a partially true story to tell Skyler: he was in an argument with a co-worker (kinda true), they were in a bar (true), discussing business strategy (kinda true), it got heated (true), and he hit Walt (true), and Walt didn't retaliate because he is a much older man (true, Mike is older; bold faced FALSE about the reason he didn't retaliate - he was laid out on the floor). Walt almost seems proud that he was in a bar fight. She suggests using frozen peas to help the swelling on his eye and all I can think of is the scene from Bridesmaids.

On the other side of town (probably), Marie is back to her lying ways. Today's alter-ego, Tori Costner, is in the mood to buy a new house and drink free wine. During a quick conversation with the realtor in a bolo tie she states she's recently divorced and the mother of a 4 year old boy. The biggest part of the lie IMO is that she would home school her child. Poor, poor Marie, thinking her fake child wouldn't already be awkward enough. 

Hank's at home watching porn that has nothing to do with minerals. His excitement quickly dissipates because Marie brought him Fritos instead of Cheetos. Only Britney Spears would be equally disappointed. At least she brought him Shiner. Hank should give Fritos a try - they are delicious.

After the break we're back to the lab and a shot of Walt in his whitey tighties. I never thought we'd see that again, but am pleasantly surprised. Jesse is still trying to keep busy and invites Walter to go go-carting with him. Jesse takes a rain check, but Walt notices that Jesse still isn't back to being himself. Both question each other, both avoid answering, and each goes their separate way. 

Read more after the jump!

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Food Network Star: Comedy Roast

Don't roast a chicken

Roast the next food network stars

Whitney gets sent home.

Food Network Star starts with the contestants heading down to Chelsea Market where they meet Bobby Flay. This week's camera challenge involves the contestants running around, tasting a hell of a lot of food and then taping a 2 minute segment for The Best Thing I Ever Ate. I've seen a few episodes of TBTIEA and it's getting to the point where all the episodes have gotten too detailed. For example, they have a clip of Giada talking about the best thing she ever ate with chopsticks. Next will be the best thing I ever ate on a white plate or while wearing shorts or while being robbed. They are instructed to dig deep into their culinary thesaurus so that they can use more words than, "really good, delicious, yummy, awesome." IMO Mary Beth, the food writer, should kill at this challenge. Whitney approaches it with the scientific method, Vic still can't touch the insides of his arms to his torso, Jeff, the Sandwich King, seeks out pastrami sandwiches, Mary Beth says what I've thought - she knows a bunch of foodie words and Susie gets a montage of her stuffing her face (how does she stay so thin?!).

The camera challenge is extra nerve wracking because the other contestants are like 6 feet away. Susie kinda bombs. Vic also doesn't describe what his dish tastes like and I think he sounds high (he probably doesn't do drugs). Jeff, who I am quickly falling in love with, does extremely well. Mary Beth steals Whitney's thunder by describing a crepe which is exactly what she was going to do. Whitney seems stiff and completely thrown off her game. Jeff wins the challenge! Way to go  (as my friend Jacqelyn calls him) Chubby Jimmy Fallon:

       

Bobby introduces them to this week's star challenge: each will be assigned a protein (by winner, Jeff) that they will turn into a roast. [Not] surprising this will have the contestants being roasted by a "distinguished" panel of guests. Distinguished is a loosely used word on the Food Network. Louise Anderson, Judy Gold, Anthony Anderson, Aubrey Plaza (YAY!) and Gilbert Gottfried are going to roast the contestants when they present their food and I cannot wait to hear what they say about Vic's arms [I have no idea why I am so obsessed with them].

See how the challenge goes after the jump!
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TV Hot Guy Alert

Hot men on TV

I just found my newest crush

Suits on USA

While watching White Collar I kept seeing commercials for Suits - a show about two guys with only one law degree. Scandalous! The one thing I noticed in the commercial is how hot the real lawyer is:

Hello hottie in a tie.

I have absolutely no idea what it is about actor Gabriel Macht that makes me giggle like a school girl each time I see the commercial - maybe his eyes. I have only see the pilot and never added the show to my DVR. I do know that USA is great at casting handsome men (Matt Bomer and Christopher Gorham) and makes enjoyable shows.  Has anyone watched? Is it worth my time?

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Project Runway: Come As You Are

Welcome Designers!

Are you in or are you out?

Let's meet the new cast.

Welcome to Season 9 of Project Runway! I love Project Runway, but like a lot of other people felt that last season lost it's edge and excitement. I think most people blamed the move to Lifetime, but I like to blame Gretchen just cause she sucked.

Blech.

The pre-show was the chance to learn who the top 20 designers were as they would all be invited to New York and immediately be narrowed down to 16.  There was a lot of season 7 winner Seth Aaron who I remember mostly for being annoying and for creating this adorable kid's outfit: 

OK back to the actual episode. The contestants are first asked to show their designs to Nina, Michael, Heidi and Tim so that they can determine who the top 16 will be. David Chum (who I liked), Selena (who changed her wedding for this), Gunner (21, a little too confident) and Amanda (who hates rompers) all get cut right away. The remaining 16 move into their apartments and are woken up at 5am by Tim Gunn telling them to get up, remained dressed as they are and grab one bed sheet. What the f?! As much as I would like being woken up by Tim Gunn I would be pissed if someone made me leave my apartment in the clothes I slept in unless it was because something was on fire.

They are taken through New York in their sheets and a favorite of mine emerges - Kimberly sees a Red Lobster and asks is they can get cheese biscuits [I can show you my cheesy biscuit!]. At Parson's they are given their challenge: Create an outfit using only the clothes you have on and the one sheet you brought with you. I'm assuming a toga wouldn't be good enough for the judging panel. :(

Not too much drama ensues in the workroom. I love the first few episodes of PR when everyone loves each other. I like to see who shares moments together because inevitably some of these people will not like each other in a few weeks when the snark comes out. Tim makes his rounds and the most dramatic thing is he criticizes Beiber Goat Gruff (Rafael Cox - that hair - facial and head were awful) and lets him know he was extremely close to being eliminated:

Just no.

Other revelations: we learn Anya doesn't really know how to sew - or so she says, Kimberly continues to convince me she should be my best friend ("Nut juice!"),  and Bert seems a little weirded out by all the young kids.

Details on the runway show and find out who got sent home after the jump!

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Parks and Rec: Tammy 1

Tammy 1's been cast

Patricia Clarkson is in

Watch out, Tammy 2

On Parks and Rec's season finale Donna came over to announce that Tammy was in Ron's office. Not Tammy 2, Tammy 1. The fear on Nick Offerman's/Ron Swanson's face and how quickly Tammy 2/Megan Mullally was out of there show that this lady be loco:

Oh man, I forgot Ron lost his eyebrows!

Patricia Clarkson has been cast and I really like this news. 1) - she's a great actress with huge range and I think she will bring on the crazy and 2) she's an Oscar nominee which can only help bring more press/higher ratings to a great show.

News like this not only makes me giddy for the reasons listed above but also because it means fall season and series premiers are quickly approaching. New tv = a happy me. 

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TV trivia

I thought our team would excel

Zero points this round

It’s been two days since I’ve sat down and watched tv (it feels blasphemous!) but I’ve been sick and doing something called being social which I am still not 100% comfortable with. A group of girlfriends and I usually go play trivia once a week and then suddenly the bar we would go to stopped hosting it. Now we’re trying different places around town to see if any of the other trivia nights are as fun.

Last night two of us ventured out to a new place. Knowing that it was just us two verses teams with as many as 8 people we figured there would be no shot in hell of winning. We did however get very excited about the round announced as the the TV round! Us two combined watch a ton of tv. How on earth could this be difficult?! Then we got the questions:

What was the name of the Munster’s blonde cousin?

What tv show had the first toilet flush on national television?

On Full House, what were the names of Jesse and Rebecca’s twins?

What did NOMAM stand for on Married with Children?

Which Doctor was on ER the longest?

What long running show did Shelley Long [and a slew of others I can’t remember] guest star on before they were stars?

What was the name of Homer’s half brother?

What position did Dobber on Coach coach?

  

We did not come up with a single right answer. We discussed some of the right answers but always came back to the wrong one.

We ended up sucking on that round. I was so disappointed in my lack of TV knowledge that there could only be one solution to help me feel better: watch more tv.

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MasterChef: The Top 9 Compete

The top nine compete

Scallops cooked with banana?

Don’t serve us raw pork!

Monday’s MasterChef was delayed so the POTUS could talk about the US’s financial crisis. So Tuesday night’s episode was the one teased as the one where Christian has no friends left and Suzy gets raked over the coals for her challenge dish. I was ready.

The first challenge is a mystery box challenge. Ben Starr is not excited by it. Included in the box are a variety of vegetable, giant scallops, pancetta and bananas. Everyone avoids the bananas except for Ben Starr who pep talks himself out loud to going with his crazy idea of actually incorporating them into his dish. Christian continues to mouth off about how great he is and a gust of wind hits the judges as the other eight contestants synchronously roll their eyes.

The judges only taste the top three dishes for this challenge and they are: Christian, Adrien and surprisingly, Ben Starr. Adrien ends up winning to Christian’s dismay. The advantage to winning this challenge meant that Adrien was able to assign cuts of meat to each chef for the episode’s big cooking challenge. He kept the pork chop for himself and assigned the hardest one – port cheek – to Christian. I don’t think he did it so much because Christian is a major competitor but more so cause he’s an asshole.

Read more about the crazy antics after the JUMP!

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Today's TV News

Franco and Jon Hamm

Working on some side projects

Set your DVR!

My favorite TV news of the day so far is that Jon Hamm is joining The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret in IFC [story here]. I am anxiously awaiting Mad Men in 2012 but love love love when Jon Hamm does comedy.

Second exciting thing I read today was that James Franco is returning to General Hospital! Entertainment Weekly posted the news today. This to me is even more exciting because GH is moving away from the mob story lines that took over the series. Apparently they got rid of Bob Guza who was the main person behind the mob obsession. I grew up watching GH and will definitely DVR or Hulu this. Even if I forget I'm sure his best scenes will be on The Soup.

UPDATE: oooh even more good news - John Goodman is going to be on Community this season for a six episode arc. Vulture posted the news this afternoon. I loved John Goodman on Roseanne and I cannot wait to find out what the genius writing staff on Community comes up for his as a character!

Happy TV day! Follow @haikutv

Breaking Bad: Thirty-Eight Snub

Walter's got a gun

You will not see Gus again

Avoid the silence

This week's show starts out with Walt in a motel room with someone selling guns. He tells him he needs a gun for defense while practicing his draw. I got chills with the shots of Walt pulling the gun while looking in the mirror. Walt ends up buying the gun with the sawed off serial number and you just know that somehow this will all come into play later.

Meanwhile Jesse is playing with his DJ Roomba/new sound system and his old buddies show up. Jesse's turned back to snorting meth and ends up getting both friends to hop back on the train so he'll have company. If drug fueled conversations are all like this, I should start doing drugs - Nazi Zombies! Just kidding. Drugs are bad, kids. TV shows about drugs are usually pretty good though. Despite the entertaining conversation, something is up with Jesse. The quiet bugs him and I'm sure his mind is reeling from the events from the season finale and the season premier. What better to get your mind off things than a drug and women fueled party? So that's what Jesse does. The morning after Jess is up and ready for work, but the tell-tale tennis ball in the background signals there is a lot more weighing on him.

What happened in the lab? Find out after the JUMP!
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Keeping up the Kardashians

Let's talk about sex

Younger Kardashian kids

Skin problems plague Kim

I got sucked into Keeping up with the Kardashians during a lazy Sunday marathon (same thing happened with CSI:NY, Criminal Minds and, most embarrassingly, The Real Housewives of New York) and have continued to watch. It's not something I think will consistently recap, but I did just want to talk about how much I love Khloe Kardashian and Bruce Jenner's relationship. I love that he always calls her first - Kendall is on birth control! Kris wants to change her last name! - and they talk like real people. I know this is supposed to be reality tv and a lot of this could possibly be scripted but I admire the relationship they have developed.

This week's episode had one adorable storyline: Bruce finds out his 15 year old is on birth control so he and Khloe talk to the younger girls about sex. It was sweet and hilarious (the reaction to Khloe saying a vasectomy meant that Bruce's balls had been cut off) and I am glad this conversation got aired. Kim's storyline - that she has psoriasis - was odd. She seemed to be blaming her mom that she had it because of genetics. I kinda started to feel bad for her. If your job is basically selling your body, and your body is covered in red splotches it could deserve a reaction like she has in the episode. My mom would've either 1)slapped me or 2) laughed and said to get over myself.

Next week: Kris pees a lot! Seriously, why do I watch this show??? Follow @haikutv

Food Network Star: Ina Garten & Rachael Ray

Welcome to New York

Rachael Ray, Ina Garten

Corn IS NOT dessert!

On tonight's episode of Food Network Star, the remaining finalists headed to New York and thank goodness without Penny. After being introduced to the Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten, the contestants are given the camera challenge where they are asked to "put you into a cupcake."

Vic makes an Italian ice cream ball that has pancetta in it (I love bacon but pancetta IMO would be too fatty for a cupcake). Susie makes a corn cupcake and says that corn is a Mexican staple. I am Mexican and most of the corn we had growing up came from a can, was slathered with mayo and chile powder or had tons of fat mixed in and was stuffed with pork. I have a real issue with corn as a dessert now (this is after eating a corn dessert) so I am worried  - but know she is going for savory and not sweet when she tops it with duck. Jeff stuffs his with 5 Italian meats and tops it with a cantaloupe frosting. So far, I'm a little disgusted.

Whitney brings it back to sweet with a coconut cupcake and Mary Beth makes a delicious sounding roasted strawberry cupcake with a balsamic frosting. Jyll makes a pretty chocolate and orange cupcake.

Challenge time: Susie uses the word "elegancy" and they like her corn cupcake. Mary Beth wows with her cupcake and her personal story about picking strawberries. Vic, whose arms still can't touch the sides of his body, disappoints. Whitney still comes across as a beautiful robot but cooked a delicious cupcake. Jyll is still called out for being fake as shit. Finally, Jeff's meat cupcake/sandwich, gets panned by all the judges. Mary Beth comes out on top! Sweet beats meat.

Read more after the JUMP!
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Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids

Planning your wedding

You really should have ideas

Bridesmaids be bitches!

TLC's Say Yes to the Dress recently began a spin off focused on selecting bridesmaids dresses. Let me just tell you that I had NO idea people gave their bridesmaids that much say in the decision. All my wedding experiences have been: here's your dress, in this color, just make sure you get the right size. If you hate the dress, you wear it and vent to someone other than the bride - it's HER wedding! Brides - come in with ideas! Know what you want and be part of the selection process!

This show has so far had women fighting, crying, calling each other bitches, and at least two have said, "I will NOT be in the wedding if I have to wear this dress!" I REALLY hope that these women are being paid to be overdramatic and that this is not 100% reality. Some of these brides should not even talk to the women they have chosen to be their bridesmaids.

Also, this dress (in different colors) has been very popular on the show:

and let me tell you, it does NOT look good on everyone. Just my two cents. Follow @haikutv

Dexter: Season 6 Trailer

I'm so excited

Dexter returns to TV

October 2nd!

Who is the blonde chick? Is that the same person in the shot with Masuko that looks like she's about to go down on Dexter? Also is Captain Adama a super crazy killer? Cause I can live with that.

I'm very excited for Colin Hanks and Mos Def.  I am also very intrigued to see how the divorce between Jennifer Carpenter and Michael C. Hall affects their characters' relationship, if even.

Mark your calendars for October 2nd when the best ass on TV (Michael C. Hall in those khakis) returns! Follow @haikutv

Wilfred

A pot smoking dog

Adorable Elija

Hallucination!

Wilfred is FX's newest show based on an Australian show with the same concept: a guy becomes friends with his neighbor's dog - who, to him, and us viewers, looks like a dude in a dog suit:

Ryan (Elijah Wood - who should play Daniel Radcliffe's older brother in something) is dealing with depression and a failed suicide attempt and has no job nor does he want to work. Somehow he lives in a GORGEOUS house and spends his days hanging out with Wilfred. 

I have seen 4 episodes so far and will continue to watch this show. It's different. Way different than a lot of stuff and tv and it's great to have something other than a law/spy/crime show to watch.  Recaps or haiku to come of upcoming episodes.

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MasterChef: 10 Chefs Compete

Gordon Ramsey yelled

Eggs Benedict were runny

Oh, so THAT’S your mom!

Ten chefs are left on Master Chef and the stakes have never been higher – just kidding. The stakes are the same as they’ve been the whole time on this show. Now I love cooking shows but don’t care much for Gordon Ramsey’s and Fox’s way of doing them – too much yelling, too many hot heads, too much fire as a decoration, and way too much voiceover.  I only started watching this show this season because a co-worker suggested. Once I started I was happy to see Graham Elliot (didn’t there used to be a Bowles in there?) since I recognized him from other chef shows so I decided to give it a shot.

Since there are only 10 chefs left Tracy actually gets to talk on the show (for awhile I thought she was equivalent to a seat filler for chefs on the show)! She and Giuseppe were team leaders as they cooked for the three judges mothers. Now HOLD THE PHONE! I am an idiot. I think the real truth is that I actually never paid attention the asshole judge’s last name but I had zero idea that cooking goddess Lidia Bastianich was his mother. Now everything made sense. This guy could be an asshole (or pretend to be one on tv) because his mother’s name gave him reign. In real life he is very accomplished but based on this show I am not a fan.

Read about what happened next after the JUMP!

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Clear Eyes, Full Hearts

My eyes can't be clear

Dillon football will be missed

Texas Forever

This weekend was a tough one for me. Harry Potter ended. After catching an 8pm showing I came home, curled up in my pajamas and thinking that there were no more tears left, settled in to watch the very last episode of Friday Night Lights. To my surprise [not really] I was able to cry some more. It saddens me how many people refused to watch this show because they "weren't really into football." This show constantly reminded me that I could have feelings. It reminded me that television marriages could work (real life ones too). It reminded me of high school football games and issues that at the time seemed so daunting and life altering. It was truly a feel good show full of honesty and love - amazing writing and amazing acting.

Now,  for my picks for best and worst moments

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Breaking Bad: Episode 4.1

Welcome back, meth friends

Heisenberg - you were sure missed

Gus is fucking nuts.

Breaking Bad was back with a bang - well more like a box cutter - this weekend. We left off with Jesse possibly shooting Gale - because if you get rid of the one other guy who has the Colonel's secret meth making recipe then there is no way he can kill you. Right, Walt? Maybe not.

I think the shit hit the fan (or filled Walt's pants) when Victor - full of ego - put on that mask and started cooking. "Hey look - you aren't the only ones who know what you're doing - I even remembered the aluminum!"

Then here comes Gus. Seriously crazy, meticulous (if a shirt is coming off at my house it gets thrown somewhere - he took his jacket off for 2 murderous minutes and it got a hanger!) Gus. He is not only amazing at frying chicken, but awesome at slitting people's throats. That scene was the second most gruesome scene (first season's bathtub scene is tops for me) on this series so far and yet I want more.

Throw in some stuff about Skylar getting bold and nosy, Jesse growing up in the mere matter of minutes, and two Kenny Rogers shirts and you have a great season premier. I am excited for this season - mostly because I think the effects of the shooting are going to wreck havoc on Jesse which means more stellar acting from Aaron Paul. I am looking forward to it.

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Welcome!

Haikus and TV

I can promise you this much:

TV talk is on.

I talk about tv way too much to the people around me and they've started rolling their eyes when I compare events in their lives to things like Jack yelling "we have to go back!!!" So I decided to start blogging and maybe someone will enjoy my thoughts on all the tv shows I watch (there are a lot)!

Thanks for stopping in - more posts to come soon!

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