Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Mad Men

Mad Men was great this week. This made me cry:

Pete remains the best at being the worst (seriously, he needs awards), Joan prostituted herself, Lane is in deep shit (I kinda want his wife to die so he can get a girlfriend [can I suggest Dawn?] and insurance money), and Peggy said goodbye to Sterling Draper Cooper Price. Can we get a goodbye to Peggy like SNL gave to Kristen Wiig? Goodbye Ruby Tuesday...she's leaving home, bye bye.

This is an interesting article http://yinews.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/sgt-don-drapers-lonely-hearts-club-band/ which is what made me quote The Beatles - but I do argue (and they may update to reflect) that The Other Woman = She's Leaving Home.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Possible Gossip Girl Endings

For some reasons (my laziness) this so called tv haiku blog has turned into a blog about only Gossip Girl. I’m ok with that. Since there are only 11 more episodes of Gossip Girl left next year, I decided to make a list the eleven ways I hope this show ends.

11) The entire group of “friends” board a plane and it crashes. At the end, a phone falls out of Nate’s pocket and the cracked screen shows that he IS Gossip Girl. Blood drips on the phone screen. Fade to black.

10) Bart Bass remains in the Upper East Side and in episode 10 is revealed to be a Cyborg. He then blows up everything – starting with Rufus. [I REALLY wanted Chuck to throw Bart off the roof last night]

9) Lily marries Bart again and then he really dies. We see it. They make sure to watch rigor mortis set in then watch as he is buried. Chuck moves to London, becomes friends with Madonna and picks up a fake British accent. Nate starts dealing pot and uses the Observer as his cover. Serena is his number one customer. Dan realizes he hates everything to do with the UES so moves away to Portland to write books and grow a beard. Blair runs her mom’s company successfully and meets a handsome, older man who treats her right.

8) At the final party of the series – probably Rufus and Lily’s wedding – Gossip Girl shows up and shoots everyone. She takes off the hoodie obscuring her face, the camera pans around and it’s Little J – eyeliner and all.

7) Chuck and Blair start to rekindle their love affair and then Blair remembers she slept with Jack who has hepatitis. She gets tested. Positive. Chuck then gets tested. Positive. Blair calls Dan to let him know he needs to get tested cause she slept with Jack way long time ago. Positive. Dan calls Serena. Positive. Serena calls like 1000 guys. ALL POSITIVE. They think Nate is the only one in the clear but no one is sure because they can’t remember who all they slept with. The episode ends with Chuck at the apartment waiting for Nate. He tells Nate he is positive for hepatitis. Nate’s face crumbles. They’ve been LOVERS THIS WHOLE TIME. Episode ends with real information on how serious hepatitis is. [Alternate scenario: substitute “hepatitis” with “herpes.” PSA is for proper condom use. Valtrex buys some advertising space.] 

6) Nate’s newest love interest in a beautiful, rich, young woman named Emily Thorne. Turns out she’s not only really Amanda Clarke, but is in fact the real Ivy and heir to the Rhodes fortune. She has a yearbook of all the UESers she wants revenge on and each week crosses out one of their faces. Her last foe is Serena, who she ends up killing with tainted cocaine and a “high heel mishap.” Someone off screen says, “We did it.” It’s Eric/Declan Porter. They smile. Screen fades to black. Revenge!

Read my top 5 suggestions after the JUMP!

Celebrity Apprentice

This was SO FREAKING FUNNY. This clip does not do it justice, but Magic Johnson turned to the side...please let it be a joke.


The finale is next weekend. Now that Aubrey is gone, I don't really care as much who wins (but I do like Clay a little more).

Gossip Girl: The Return of the Ring

Oh Gossip Girl. What did I do to deserve the POS you put out there as the season finale? It’s almost like every single character (ok not all) thought: “What can I do today that is incredibly stupid?” then did it.

Here's my thoughts on the good and the bad of the episode, broken down by character.

The bad:
1)      Decides to wear not only one, but two skirts that are way too short for her.
2)      Entitlement is off the charts.
3)      Seduces Dan and records it but doesn’t hide the camera very well.
The good:
1) Turns back to her party girl, cocaine sniffing ways. I actually liked this part.
2) Her dress for the divorce party was nice.***

The bad:
1) Fails to get a haircut.
2) Puts a timeline on when Blair has to declare her feelings for him – but then doesn’t wait before….
3) He has dirty bar sex with Serena.
4) Finds that Serena’s iPhone has recorded their interlude but DOESN’T DELETE IT.
5) One week later, still has not cut his hair.
The good:
1) He went to Rome.
2) He found Georgina and is now in cahoots with her.

The bad:
1) Asks Lola to move in with him after insulting her dreams by thinking she’s gonna play an oompa
2) Is a little slow.
The good:
1) His eyebrows.
2) He has a tape that possibly shows who gossip girl is (and they are rifling through what looks like actual
        dirty laundry). He may be the one to unmask Gossip Girl –OR maybe HE’S Gossip Girl. I’d love that.

The bad:
1) That pink skirt. Too tight, too short.
2) She needs to grow up – or at least stop acting like she has grown up.
3) Stop trusting (and really having) minions.
4) Chuck? Again? Really?
5) She needed to break up with Dan first before heading off to see Chuck.
The good:
1) Eleanor is her mother.
2) Cyrus is her step-father.
3) She at least has tried to apologize to Dan.
4) She kicked out Serena. It’s about time. I wonder who gets to keep that bird thing Serena had hanging
         over her bed.

The bad:
1) Stupidly trusts Bart.
2) Wore a light grey suit to a press conference.
3) Doesn’t want to be Mr. Blair Waldorf.
The good:
1) I guess I’m ok that he turned down Blair cause they need to fill 11 more episodes and you know these
         writers are gonna make those 11 all about Chuck and Blair.
2) We got to see that Jack is dealing with his HEPATITIS ok.

Other characters: The lily/Rufus/Bart storyline is ok I guess. I feel like Lily is getting screwed. Bart’s face doesn’t move and Rufus looked cute except for that weird necked sweater. Lola is the stupidest character that has ever been on this show. And Nate and Serena are on this show. That says a lot.

Did anyone else notice Dan was wearing a shirt that only had buttons halfway down it? It was weird.

So….are you satisfied with the season finale? What do you think the last eleven episodes will be about (spoiler: Chair)?

*** About this “divorce party”: do we know those people? [Answer: YES! They are the couple that got married at the beginning of the show when Serena had sex with Nate (while dating Blair) in the same spot she just had sex with Dan (while dating Blair)]Why was everyone invited? Do you really compliment the divorcee by saying, “You look just as beautiful in black as you did in white?” Is that a thing? And was anyone else pissed that the cake was cut in half? I understood the concept, but that whole area was gonna dry out. Don’t ruin good cake. Oh wait – these people are rich, and skinny. They don’t care.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Gossip Girl: The Fugatives

I'm feeling sick so this will be brief:

  • Dan's post shower hair is amazing.
  • I'd buy that Jack and Bart were real life brothers.
  • No way Blair would be THAT ok with Serena being Gossip Girl.
  • Chuck's henchman/PI won't help him so he assembles his group of friends. They are NOT the avengers. 
  • Why does Serena's sweater arms have holes in it. Again, I don't understand fashion.
  • Diana's green dress is a gorgeous color. However, they are really into her cleavage on this show and it's starting to gross me out.
  • I hate the involvement of Diana in anything. 
  • Even with the reveal of Bart being alive, we still don't know who Chuck's real parents are.
  • Roam in Rome. 
  • "Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch Ivy happen." Stop bringing Ivy back....unless she starts sleeping with Rufus. I'd be ok with that.
  • The interviewer was right to ask for the gelato - if you promise me gelato, you better bring it. 
  • I love how these people get new clothes so quickly - Serena changing into her Blair garb, and Lola and Ivy finding whore outfits. I do like Serena's Blair dress.
  • This episode of GG is their Scooby Doo episode.
  • Prude complaint upcoming: Blair wants the next person she says "I love you" to be the last, but she's ok sleeping with anyone.
  • Has Bart thought about how he wants to break the news to Lily? I suggest popping out of a giant box and yelling, "Surprise!!"
  • Dan is such a grown up. As much as I like Dair, he's almost too mature for this group. And too unkempt.
  • Blair is gonna create a spreadsheet of restaurants to eat at in Rome. I knew I loved her for some reason.
  • My head is a foggy mess, but did GG just say that Serena gave Blair's diary to her? 
  • The preview for next week has Serena getting undressed with Dan's help in a bar? She's such a whore.
The end. Maybe my lovely friends can leave everything I missed in the comments. With the help of some NyQuil, I'm off to bed!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Glee's Weekly PSA

Glee – or the 21st century’s version of the movie of the week – infuriates me. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I get that the point was to show that abuse can happen to anyone. I hate that they used Coach Shannon Beiste as the example.  I’m not sure why exactly it bugs me so much….so I’m just going to rant.

If your “friends” that care for your well-being insult you at every turn, doesn’t that foreshadow exactly what will happen? You’ll end up back where you were -  in the house with your abuser.

"I have a tent you can wear."


I’m upset that Emma wasn’t included in the intervention (although they’d probably have her pull out a dumb inappropriate brochure) or that Will – who’s been a great friend to Shannon since she arrived – wasn’t told by Sue.  

My predictions on how this story will play out:
  1. They’ll forget about it, or gloss over it. They’ve done that with Quinn’s speedy recovery, the lack of mention of Karofsky’s recovery, and the whole Beth/Puck/sleeping with a teacher storyline.
  2. It will come to a head during the finale, somehow in a montage with Emma and Will’s wedding and/or graduation.

The saving grace of this story line was the acting of Dot Marie Jones. She expressed such sorrow in her face, that it was hard not to be touched by her expressing her fears of being alone [My suggestion – she and Peggy from Mad Men move in together and have Laverne and Shirley type adventures].  I was pissed that they had such a serious moment with Coach Roz and Sue and then the writers threw in the tent line. How is that ok? In a show that likes to preach anti-bullying and self-confidence, why is it that characters who act in the way Glee wants to preach against never get put in their place? Didn’t Sue use to physically push kids around?

In addition, I can’t imagine how hard it would to be made fun of weekly (as your job) for your physical appearance.  Three chicken meals? The name Beiste? The idea that boys picture you in your lingerie in order to suppress arousal? I know that in part the show does this to try to – duh – teach lessons, but how difficult must it be to get that script: “This episode will revolve around you being seen as unattractive and undesirable so that we can teach the kids, and adults, another lesson.” F you.

Other thoughts on the episode:
  • Loved Cell Block Tango and Shake It Out – even though no one can do Florence and the Machine’s haunting version justice, this was pretty good
  •  Blaine didn’t have a solo!
  • Glee seems to be a good medium for NeNe Leakes. She’s great on the show.
  • I guess since Quinn couldn’t dance on and around a stool, they decided to have her MIA this episode.
  •  Kurt killed it with the Boy From Oz routine. He’s adorable.
  •  Whoopi was great as the NYADA rep. I’m assuming Lindsay Lohan’s acting will be the opposite of this
  • Finn was helping Puck learn study geography when his girlfriend fiancĂ© was dealing with the aftermath of her botched audition. What a terrible fiancĂ©.
  • I understood why Shannon wanted to tell the girls the truth, but why don’t these teachers and coaches have any boundaries?
  • As far as we know, Sue is still pregnant.
  • Michael Mancini has aged very well. Bald spot and all.
  •  Tina got to sing! 

What did you think about the episode? Are you as pissed as I am that they aren’t letting Shannon have a happy ending?

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Tuesday Night Laughter

New Girl and Cougar town were on fire tonight. I don't want my oatmeal to taste like a whore's mouth and I too have at times wondered if I am a Cylon.

Hooray for laughter.