Monday, September 26, 2011

Gossip Girl: Yes, Then Zero

Chuck preaches, "Say yes!"
Prince Louis is still real bland
Someone(s) is pregnant!

Oh Gossip Girl! I didn't realize how much I missed the Chuck Bass pout and Serena van der Woodsen mumbles until today when I remembered that GG was back!

Serena spent her summer working for David O. Russell getting crapped on by Marshall, who I had figured would be her love interest. She gets excited (wait - wasn't she angry last season) when she gets the save the date (11/26/11) for Blair's and Prince Blah's wedding. Dan gets his while at a kid's softball game. Why is his shirt BRAND NEW!? Am I supposed to believe that he's been doing this all summer and that shirt is still that pristine? Ha. [Even though I do believe that sometimes Dan doesn't wash his clothes or his hair.]

Before the first commercial break there are several moments that I think either "ESCANDALO!" or just let out a little giggle. They are:

  • Chuck wears white pants and an ascot while riding a motorcycle

He probably thinks this blog is about him.

  • Nate opens Chuck's mail (or is it addressed to him?) and keeps quiet about the two save the date cards inside.
  • Dan's writing gets dissed but in turn finds out his book has gotten out. Vanessa [shakes fist in the air]!
  • Blair is told she can't carry peonies at her wedding and Prince Lackadaisical sides with his mom. The way she reacted to peonies was as if you told Madonna you wanted to carry hydrangeas.
  • Dorota reads a reminder (to us) that someone is pregnant - cut to both Serena and Blair turning down alcohol.
  • BLAIR HAS TO WEAR A HAND ME DOWN WEDDING GOWN! Shocking  - but Blair would  never let that happen.

Find out what else these crazy kids get themselves into after the JUMP!

Serena takes Chuck and Nate to the movie set. This of course results in Chuck doing a movie stunt and asking out an incredibly unattractive woman. Serena get to take over Marshall's duties which included picking up medical marijuana - which she gets Nate to do with her. On purpose, writers? Too bad Marshall made up that part. See, Robert has to stay sober. Soooo Serena giving him drugs = no bueno.

Female Jason Isaacs?
Prince Louis doesn't stand up for Blair at all. But she then convinces him to take her to some fancy event which she isn't really allowed to go. She's doing it to test him - bad idea - but she does it in a gorgeous green and white strapless gown [side note: the material kinda looks like canvas or muslin, but it's still gorgeous].

Dan tries his best to stop his story from being printed - even going as so far as to ask Prince Boring to try and stop it. That in turn makes Louis ditch Blair. She of course thinks he's going to the event without her so she's pissed. She needs a friend. You know who else needs a friend? Lonely Boy. So she runs directly to him (I like it cause I dare to Dair) to tell him she's about to cancel her wedding and needs a place to go. They're ready to go to CeeCee's empty place in the Hamptons [Dan looks extra pouty during these scenes] when who walks in? Prince Louis! This calls for one more ESCANDALO!
Dan pouts and shows off his hair cut that makes him look like a Dorito head.
Serena and Nate show up at the LA party and Nate pretends to be "that guy," you know, "that guy from that movie." Elizabeth Hurley, an extra from what CougarTown erroneously tried to be it's first season, shows up and asks for a tour (it's totally her place) since he's claiming it's his house. They end up in the master know, to do it. Once done, she kicks him out. It IS her house. I have a feeling Nate will be back.

Nate's lady is way hotter than Chuck's.
Angry from seeing Blair's save the date card, Chuck goes on a wild motorcycle ride down Mulholland drive. He crashes, but is fine ("Do you see any blood?"). New old lady friend tells him he must have some serious issues to be crazy enough to do the things she's seen him do in the 2 hours they've known each other and leaves: "Good Luck Chuck." I saw that movie. It sucked. Oh and Chuck is messed up - this is what's going on under his shirt:
Serena gets Robert (the needs to be sober actor) into trouble and realizes that Marshall tried to screw her. He give her some sad speech about how he needs the job and she doesn't. She concedes....for now.

Back the loft, Dan announces that Louis is not here for Blair. He's there for Dan! OK not in a sexual way, but to let Dan know that he killed the story. Dan confesses that he wrote a story about her, and Blair gets pissssssed about it. She is angry and instead of doing what she should have done first, ask what's the story about, she berates Dan for letting her almost walk away from her dreams of marrying a boring prince. How dare he! She scuttles back to the prince and they leave arm in arm with Dan still looking pouty. Did he take some classes at the Ed Westwick school of acting this summer? What gives? Anyway, so not only does the prince suck, but he's a pushover.

As Nate and Serena wallow in their sadness - mind you this is on a fancy boat while looking beautiful - Chuck becomes the voice of wisdom and tells them to basically learn from their mistakes. Nate heads back because in the heat of the moment he left his phone at Elizabeth Hurley's house. Too bad she is bad news. She was on a mysterious call with someone talking about how she made contact with Nate in LA...even though she thought she wouldn't make contact until NYC. Serena heads into the office and gets offered a full time job with Michael Michelle [sorry I don't know the characters' names yet].

Also, we find out what we already knew - Dan's book isn't scandalous towards Blair, it's basically about how he loves her. He gets a check for $10,000 from Vanessa in the mail with a note that says, "Congratulations on your first novel."

The pregnancy cliffhanger comes to a lame resolution: Dorota is pregnant. Not Serena. Not Blair. I hope both of them go back to drinking asap. They are more fun. Two minutes after I wrote this Serena drinks some champagne. Yay! Three minutes after that the seamstress working on the photo shoot with Blair calls her out on her pregnancy! It's like these writers know what I'm thinking!! Sadly, it probably end up that she ate one too many croissants. Blair did sleep with Chuck at the Bar Mitzvah and Rufus seemed to imply that she and Dan may have slept together as well. I'd actually really like to see how pregnant Blair would act - especially if it rids us of Prince Blahblahblah. Like I said last season, this would be SO much more interesting if it were the Fresh Prince and not a French Prince.

Much more interesting.

Also, Serena runs into Charlie/Ivy. Meh.

What was up with all of Serena's giant necklaces? They were terrible. Also terrible - Blair's hair this episode. That wedding dress was gorgeous but I did wish it had different lace on the sleeves. I would imagine that Blair would want a super princess-y dress, but I 92% loved the royal hand me down. I think Gossip Girl is trying to up the ante. This episode included: David O. Russel, Jenny Lewis, and a reference to Terrance Malick. Also, Eric, Vanessa and Little J are all gone. I loved how quickly they all got dismissed. All of this makes me look forward to this season. What did you think? Is Blair really pregnant? How long will it take Serena to figure out that Charlie isn't really Charlie?


  1. So glad you're recapping the trashiest show on tv. Can I get a Best Outfit/Worst Outfit battle? For me, best was the floral dress Blair wore for like 3 seconds. Worst Serena's pink beach mess.

  2. That floral dress was so pretty. Serena's pink dress with the turquoise necklace was terrible- BUT for worst I'd either say her first outfit - the too short yellow and pink outfit that seemed to accentuate her crotch and make her boobs look awful OR Rufus's way too tight skinny jeans.

  3. So many thoughts...
    -I think I already said this before, but Chuck + Motorcycle = Hot.
    -Rufus' face...dude, lay off the botox!
    -I didn't know about Madonna's flower snobbishness. Love it.
    -That lady Chuck goes out with *is* ugly. Like super ugly. He (Chuck the character, not Ed the actor) should ask out me.
    -Blair's dress was awesome.
    -I do not understand the Ugly Lady/transportation. It's a crazy road. We should take my truck. No, let's be dangerous! POOF! Two motorcycles. THEN when she freaks out that he's got a death wish, she just leaves. So, does she return to his house with his magically-appearing motorcycle and then hop in her truck? So confused.
    -When Chuck and Ugly Lady were cruising, he reminded me of Dylan McKay. #swoon!
    -Dan's hair is awful.
    -Dan was adorable when he thought he was going to get to rescue (holy crap, I just typed rescute) Blair from an awful engagement. I dare to Dair too!
    -Am I the only one wishing Dan's book would be published in real life?
    -Fresh Prince and Blair would make a great story. Surely they can CGI/green screen that, right? 1990s Fresh Prince comes along making Dan extremely jealous.
    -Blair's hair was awful! So were her eyebrows. I think once I saw her in either The Roommate or Country Strong, I realized Blair has bad eyebrows. Soon she'll look like Brooke Shields.

  4. How come no one's pointed out that Blair's not even 21 yet? She's getting married AND pregnant? This is the UES not Kentucky.

  5. you know that on this show 19 = 40.

  6. except if you are actually 40 (RUFUS!) then you dress like you are 19.

  7. HA Kentucky.

    Chuck asks out the mantastic stunt coordinator which is weird. The people on the show who are "real life people" are all better looking than the actors on the movie set. When the lispy, mumbling prince arrived at Dan's apartment why didn't he question why Blair was there? He arrived there and no questions at all, collected Blair and left. That was definitely a "WTF are _you_ doing here?" moment.

    I don't think Dan's cut his hair since "Easy A".