Gossip Girl: Salon of the Dead

Dair hosts a salon!

(But Dan needs to visit one)

Chuck's mom is revealed

Gossip Girl in in it's final act of the season and we're at a cross-Rhodes! Ha! See what I did there? Lame, yeah I know. But really Lily and Rufus are living separately and it's affecting them each differently: Lily is lonely, rubbing her temples while eating pancake (no waffles. sigh.) with a glass of OJ and wine, and Rufus is stuck in Brooklyn staring off into the distance while strumming his guitar and hopefully writing the new it song of summer 2012. Watch out Goyte.

Quickly we're reminded that Serena is a sad and pathetic person by deleting all the requests on Gossip Girl for more info on Lola. She sighs. We know that's serious sadness.

What else happens in the episode? Here are some of the highlights:

• Lola's getting used to the fame. Her confidence has grown so much that she wears a terrible brown and white plaid jacket in public.
• Blair is prepping for her and Dan's "coming out" party. She tells him in lieu of showering he can just thrown on deodorant like Brooklynites. She must love him.
• Serena is not good at being Gossip Girl and she's not good at being an evil villainess. Could her comments be any more obvious? Even Lola  - the person whose identity was stolen and plastered all over NY tabloids and never noticed - figures it out. But, as usual, Nate doesn't.
• Rufus lost himself when he married Lily and became a "+1." He is not talking about Google +1s or Vulture recap +points. He's actually sad.
• Nate is sad because he misses all his friends. The eyebrows point slightly downward.
• Lars von Trier values the words of Gossip Girl.
• Lily's peace treaty food: Salad. Even I know waffles are the way to Rufus's heart. But he decides he'll eat her roughage. They decide to sell the apartment. Salad = magic.
• "Just because a tree grows in Brooklyn, doesn't mean I have to plant it." I love Blair. 
• Dair meets the Brangelina of the five boroughs who look JUST LIKE THEM. I think they are real people - but I don't care enough to google their names. 
• Dan gets WAY too giddy about hosting a salon. I did care enough to google "salon." It's a gathering.
• There was a lot of eavesdropping in this episode.
• The desk guy at the SoHo Grand should be fired. How dumb are you to announce to someone's wife that their husband is paying for a woman to stay at the hotel? FIRED.
• You know that the crowd is mostly intellectuals because many are wearing glasses.
• In the fight between Rufus and Lily- I take Lily's side. Why the hell are you helping Ivy, Rufus? Dumb ass.
• Diana's cleavage is insane. 
• Poor Chuck. I actually feel really bad for him. Very dramatic and un-British - EVEN THOUGH DIANA IS BRITISH!
• I geeky squeeed at Dan wanting a sleepover. Adorable. Even more adorable? Their bedtime banter.
• The things people on this show feel guilty about are ridiculous. Why does Lola feel guilty for "ruining Chuck's life," and then basically defend Serena's treatment of her? 
• Rufus goes to what appears to be a Couples Only diner. Then he find out he got cut off.
• We finally get the obvious reveal that Diana is Chuck's mother. She wanted to see Chuck "desperately," so, as Chuck thankfully pointed out, she did it from Nate's bed. It's tough finding out who your real mom is, and tougher to find out she's a whore, but finding out she banged your best friend - that's gotta be the worst.
• Then - there's a FINAL TWIST: That wasn't the secret Diana was trying to protect. There's something more - this might actually surprise me. But I have two genius friends who have said all along that they think Bart Bass is alive. This could be the twist!

So, what did you think of this week's Gossip Girl? I think this is the first time I'm sad that Serena doesn't have a temporary love interest because I think this storyline is even more terrible than any of her awful boyfriends.

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