Friday, August 26, 2011

Project Runway: Off the Track

Drama on the track
and drama in the workroom
all for New Balance

I have been waiting all day for tonight's episode of Project Runway. I had to find out why on Earth a challenge would require running. It has to be sports wear, right? Also, based on previews I know that danger was in store for my obsession, Oliver, and that this would be another team challenge. Team challenges are always dramatic, so I've been ready.


She's actually awake.
The episode begins with the designers once again talking about what happened in the last challenge, but this time, they have some clothes to wear from New Balance. Bert can't see them because he's old. Cecilia is asleep but because she always looks asleep when she's awake, Becky keeps talking to her.
Cecilia is very upset that she wasn't sent home and doesn't want to get out of bed. In the other apartments everyone speculates about the challenge.

The designers are taken to a track and field stadium where Heidi and Tim - adorable in jeans, tennis shoes and a blazer - announce that the designers will be put into teams and then the team will have to create an outfit for Heidi's New Balance line. To create the teams, all the designers will have to run ONE lap  (it's an indoor track - 200 meters only!) around the track and the first 4 who cross the finish line will be team captains. This is ridiculous.

As the runners line up on the starting line, Cecilia steps aside and talks to Tim and Heidi. She tried her hardest to leave in the previous challenge she says. But - she never said "Hey I want to leave." She also didn't just straight up leave. Idiot. Julie could've still been there. I can't blame her though. I might have quit if they made me run a lap on national television. At least she gets to leave with some New Balance gear!

The race is off. Bronze Josh is off to an early lead with Anthony Ryan and Oliver close behind. Did anyone notice how crazy Oliver ran? It reminded me of that episode of Friends where Pheobe ran like a crazy person. I think I just discovered one non-bland thing about Oliver!

Then - OLIVER FALLS! My heart stopped. Is he ok? To show me what happened, the producers decided to show it again - in slow motion. Just in case we didn't get it the first time.

The top four runners are: Bronze Josh, Bryce, Anthony Ryan and Viktor who says he only runs if someone is chasing him with a gun. I need some backstory on that STAT. Speaking of medical terms, Oliver's knee is so bruised. The paramedics start tending to him and all of a sudden he passes out! Tim's commentary at this time is priceless ("Good heavens! That looks bad!") and again, Tim is concerned:
I'm concerned.
Find out what happened to Oliver (oh and stuff about the challenge and consequent drama) after the JUMP!

When selecting teams Heidi makes a side comment about not wanting the paramedics to have to come again. Poor Oliver hangs his head in embarrassment:
Since Viktor and Oliver are left to be a team of only 2 they get call  back an old contestant and they pick: Mormon Josh! I hope he brings some more of his fake military medals or a bow tie.

The challenge is that each team has to make three cohesive looks for New Balance and they must include the materials in Heidi's line: denim and suede. The stress of having to use both suede and denim to make outfits that people can exercise in [is that what this challenge is about? Cause I don't get it. Bert later gets basically laughed at by Heidi and Tim for making something only a "special lady" will work out in but people are designing dresses and skirts and leather jackets. I DO NOT understand fashion.] causes everyone to be a little on edge and leads to three big blow up fights.

Fight #1: Becky vs Bronze Josh
Josh tells Becky matter of factly that she makes dowdy dresses. This is news to Becky who takes it as an insult (it is) and is ok until Anya comes and crowds here. He tries to say that dowdy is not an insult.
From Google: dowdy: Adjective: (of a person, typically a woman, or their clothes) Unfashionable and without style in appearance. Noun: A woman who is unfashionably and unattractively dressed. 
Yeah, in a fashion design competition how could someone misconstrue that? Then Bronze Josh begins yelling at her in the sewing room. She runs to the bathroom to cry and Anya follows (as do the camera people). Bronze Josh comes in and offers a non-apology apology and they three hug in a bathroom stall. Gross. Germs.

Fight #2: Bert vs Bronze Josh
Bronze Josh apparently pissed around one certain sewing machine to mark his territory. Since Bert is old and his senses are going, he parks himself at it. Bronze Josh asks him when he'll be done and it leads to the following exchange:

Bert: Drop dead! [I'm surprised Lifetime didn't use this as a chance to plug Drop Dead Diva]
Bronze Josh: Drop dead?
Bert: Yeah! Just go away!

Bronze Josh: Bert, you are closer to death than I am!
Bert: Death might be a blessing with you around.

You know what else was around? Other empty sewing machines:

Fight #3: Bert vs Anthony Ryan and Laura
Apparently Bert is iced out by his teammates. He spends a lot of time mumbling under his breath. This all comes to a head on the runway - so I won't talk about that yet. Bert calls Anthony by the wrong name and says: "There are some people's names I don't remember because they aren't significant." Hmmm...I think it's more cause he's old. It's ok, Bert.

Time for judging! Today's guest judge is model Erin Wasson. I wonder why they didn't get the fashion director from New Balance.

Team Bronze Josh: Becky who only creates dowdy things helped sew most of the items. The outfit credited to her looked like a skanky skirt and too short shirt. Also her model didn't wear a bra (once again - what is active wear?!). Anya designed a dress with an interesting back. I feel like it's a dress that 1) looks like something she's already made this season and 2) reminded me A LOT like the dress Uli made in an earlier season of PR:

Bronze Josh made some weird netted vest which looked a little like Danielle's top from the pet store challenge over shorts and a top.

Team Viktor: Viktor created a cute crepe dress with an awesome motorcycle jacket. Very chic. Oliver created a farm-ish skirt [Heidi's words not mine] that I actually liked with a cute tight top and once again used only shades of grey and black but this time, no beige. That fall must have really shook him up. Mormon Josh made a top that looked like someone lost their backpack and Oliver helped him make some weird shiny pants.

Team Anthony Ryan: Oh poor Anthony. He must have had a super high fever because he sent a mess of material draped and wrapped around his model down the runway. Not only did he feel sick but he and Laura had to deal with Bert who I decided I like again. Bert made a mini skirt and off shoulder top which his snarky competitors said looked too close to office wear but I liked (just not to exercise in). What?! He is not the only one who made something inappropriate for being active in! Laura's look consisted of shorts, a vest and a top with a strange back that allowed us to see a shot of her bacne/aftermath of a mosquito attack when she took off the vest and turned around.
Team Bryce: Bryce made a pillow case and cut our arm holes to create his dress that the judges fawned over. I did like the button detail on the sides. Danielle made a henley t-shirt that I liked and a plain black skirt, but the judges hated and criticized for mixing the wrong typed of materials. The outfit mostly attributed to Kimberly was a jacket (made by Danielle with the same button details) and some poofy crotched shorts.

At judging, it appears that Bronze Josh and Anthony Ryan's teams are in the bottom 2. The judges rip them apart. The top two teams seem to be Bryce's and Viktor's. When Anthony Ryan's team's designs are being dissected, Bert takes the opportunity to act like he's a middle school girl and talks crap about his teammates. He has that right because the judges say his is the only nice thing that came out of that team's line. He is excited; his teammates are not:

The judges' top three looks: Anya, Viktor, and Bryce.
My favorite three looks: Again, I can't figure out what active wear is supposed to be. I guess I liked Bert's and Viktor's outfits best.

The judges' bottom three: Becky's too short shirt, Danielle's boring henly top, and Anthony Ryan's hot mess.
My least favorite looks: Anthony Ryan's. His was sooooo much worse than everyone else's there's no point in mentioning any other.

The winner is announced and it's Viktor...but then TWIST! Bronze Josh wins too? For a dress that Anya designed and Becky sewed. I guess they decided that he did the best leadership by making his minions win for him. He is uber excited which I think is hilarious since he didn't do crap on that winning outfit.

The bottom two are Danielle and Anthony Ryan. During judging we got to see Heidi say that Anthony Ryan needs to go - his outfit was terrible. But lucky for him, Nina and Michael hate Danielle so she gets the boot (sneaker?) instead.

Also, the line of the night goes to poor Oliver as he reflected on the day's race: "I had to fell like a bitch." Yes. You did.

I'm still confused why the producers didn't bring back Julie since she was the last to leave. Was it just for convenience since they needed that person there on the same day? I don't think it's fair that Mormon Josh gets to remain in the competition. What do you think? Also, has anyone else noticed that the show Against the Wall which is advertised in every single commercial break seems to be about a whorish cop? She's having sex with someone different in every commercial!

Do you think the right person went home? As much as I like him, Anthony Ryan should've been sent home.


  1. This challenge was as stupid as the stilt challenge.

    Maybe Cecilia slept through the judging of the last challenge and didn't realize she could have left at that point and let that other person stay. What a crap move on her part.

    Thank you so much for showing Oliver falling in slow motion, I don't think it was shameful enough at full speed.

    Heidi was full of snark and seemed drunk when trying on Oliver's "farm" skirt.

    Do you think there is a designer that is known for dowdy clothes? I'm sure Josh meant it as a compliment. You know because dowdy is a section at the department store like "juniors", "formal", and "intimates". "In the world of dowdy clothes, yours are the dowdiest!"

    What was with the fight in the sewing room? The room had Bert and five to six unused machines.
    I also don't understand why the last girl who left didn't get to come back once Cecilia drowsily quit. Maybe it was easy to get Mormon Josh because was still in town looking for a "wife".

    The commercials make it seem like the chick's family in Against the Wall is upset because she works in Internal Affairs, but it looks like they might actually be upset because she's such a slut.

  2. -One lap. I really thought the preview from last week said two. I was disappointed to hear that it was only one.
    -Oliver truly creeps me out. I think it's his beige. I bet he bleeds beige.
    -Tim also said something like, "What's going on? Did Oliver just pass out?!" He's so adorable. Tim, not Beigey McBeige.
    -So happy to see Mormon Josh back. That gives Bronze Josh time to safely bring Mormon Josh out of the closet.
    -I love Bronze Josh. "If you're tired, TAKE A NAP!" The tone and volume of his voice was perfect. Love it. LOVE.
    -Bert's mumbling scares me. He's going to start drinking. You were right when you were worried at the beginning of the show. Also, he's annoying when he fights.
    -I did not like the backpack top. What were they thinking? Ugh.
    -I LOVED Bert's top. I would totally wear it. Even in that fabric, which btdubs looks like the fabric of Adam's pajama jeans.
    -Hahahaha. You said bacne.
    -Bert pissed me off at the judging with his cheering for his teammates' crappy designs. Do that in private or in the confessional interviews, not in front of the judges.
    -If Little J was still on Gossip Girl, Bronze Josh could have a guest appearance and clash with Blair. That would be a great episode.

  3. Jacquelyn,

    Maybe Little J could be on Project Runway since she's such a big time fashion designer.